Newt's secret
by Firegirl XD
Summary: Newt is stressed. Well stressed is an understatement. His family has a habit of discluding him, and his past has turned him into a very closed off person which led him to very unhealthy coping methods. Can Thomas help him in more ways than one? Or will Newt's secret remain a secret until it creates life threatening consequences?
1. chapter 1

**A/N This story has Newt struggling with bulimia and disorder eating. If you're triggered, please don't read and get help! In this story Newt is still depressed and he tried to kill himself back in Britain by overdose. I needed him to be able to run for this plot which is why he overdosed instead of jumping off a building. If there are any grammatically errors I'm so sorry I wrote this when I was exhausted If you think I should continue please review and favorite!**

It started off small. Newt was stressed, way more stressed than the average teenager should be. He was trying to balance family, friends, cross country and school and he felt as though he was splitting at the seams. The first time it happened was when he was applying for early admission to a college that he didn't even want to go to. Yet his parents wanted him to go. So, he applied. As he was writing the essay all he felt was misery, his family went out without him to "let him focus." When he finally finished 3 hours later he went to the kitchen to make dinner. His mind was on autopilot and he found himself putting left overs in the oven while he was waiting he gorged on chips and chocolate. When the leftovers were finished Newt ate those awhile. Newt never had a very big appetite, it felt as though he was in a trance looking at all the dirty dishes. His stomach felt queasy, not used to the amount of food Newt consumed. He found himself sticking two fingers down his throat in attempts to relieve the pain. He watched in fascination as what he just digested came up looking like brown sludge. Somehow it made him feel better. So, he kept doing it in a cycle of gagging, throwing up and flushing. When he finished he felt a weird sense of accomplishment, he finally felt relaxed. That night he felt more at piece then he has for a while. Newt wasn't dumb, he knew making yourself throw up wasn't safe, but he told himself it was fine. Newt also did some research he looked up the side effect and realized he couldn't do it to constantly or his face would swell, and he would get yellow teeth, along with some other particularly nasty side effects. When he first started doing it he decided to only do it when he ate something he shouldn't, that way he can still grasp at trying to be health

 **Newt P.O.V**

That next Friday I went out for pizza with Minho and our friends Thomas and Teresa. I had English and Art with Teresa and Math and Gym with Thomas. I've gotten much closer with them both after I joined the cross-country team. I had a bit of a crush on Thomas ever since I met him. He's quite fit with deep chocolate brown eyes and a beautiful crooked smile. Which is really the only reason I agreed to go out with them despite the piles of homework I have. Teresa and Thomas are siblings and they are practically conjoined at the hip. Teresa is sweet, yet sassy with bright blue eyes and dark hair that clashes with her complexion. When I got to the Pizza Palace Minho waved me over.

"Over here dear." Minho said loudly turning a few heads.

I could feel my face turn read, but I smirked anyway. "Miss me honey?"

"Of course! Those 4 hours without you almost killed me!" Minho exclaimed rather dramatically causing our table to dissolve into giggles. Although Minho doesn't seem like it he's very much straight, unlike me. I'm very grateful for Minho he's accepted me for who I am. The conversation was pleasant and comforting, I tried to ignore my stomach turning at the sight of Thomas in a nice button down blue shirt. After ordering our pizzas the topic turned to school. I groaned I felt as though I never could escape my least favorite topic.

"I swear I'm going fail English." Minho groaned.

Teresa rolled her eyes "Minho you speak English." I snorted in laughter.

"I'm going fail History." I shared honestly my parents were on my back about my history grade which was a low C. In my defense I'm taking American history and I lived in Britain until my freshman year. History has always been difficult for me.

"I can tutor you." Thomas piped up.

"Are you sure?" I don't want to be a bother." I could feel my heart race. Sure, Thomas and I were friends, but this is our first time hanging out of school, so I was shocked by his proposal.

"Don't worry, you won't be a bother." He said smiling at me.

"Bloody brilliant, thanks Tommy!" I exclaimed.

Thomas was about to respond when Teresa interrupted "I thought you didn't like to be called Tommy."

I could feel myself blushing "I'm sorry it just slipped out."

"Teresa, I don't like it when YOU call me Tommy. No worries Newt you can call Tommy whenever you want." Thomas said throwing a wink my way. Teresa was looking between Thomas and I while smirking.

"Can I call you Tommy?" Minho asked.

"No." Thomas answered.

"Please my tommy bear" Minho said while batting his eyelashes.

"Nope." Tommy said popping the P.

"I think it's the accent." Minho stage whispered to Teresa.

Teresa smirked at Thomas and said, "Oh I think it's something else."

We fell back into regular conversation until our food came. Ever since a few days ago when I threw up I've been feeling very self- conscious of my food intake. I forced myself to not feel guilty, remembering that I can get rid of the food later.

"Carb loading is the best." Minho groaned while leaning back, holding his stomach.

I rolled my eyes, "We don't even have a meet tomorrow." I pointed out.

"Hey I'm just practicing!" Minho huffed out.

After looking at Minho seemingly amused, Thomas turned to me "Did you like the pizza ok?" He gestured to my plate where I had half of slice left. I only ate about a slice and a half of pizza, but I was hoping that the constant conversation no one would notice.

I could feel my face turn red. "Umm yeah, the food is splendid actually I just don't eat very much." That was somewhat true, unless I was about to purge then it seems like I can eat my kitchen easily.

He looked at me calculatingly "I've never heard of a runner with a small appetite."

I looked at Minho for help, thankfully he was following the conversation instead of trying to discreetly stare at Teresa. "It's true Tommy boy, Newt here has the appetite of a bird, which is probably the only reason why some may consider him fast."

I groaned at the exaggeration and hit him on the arm playfully "Slim It Shank! You wish you had my endurance."

"But you wished you had guns like these." Minho started flexing, causing Thomas and I to groan and Teresa to giggle. After a bit more bantering, and a little flirting between Teresa and Minho we got the check, and split the price of our three pizzas four ways.

We all walked out together I parked on the opposite side of the parking lot. I checked the time on my phone and said a quick to everyone while agreeing that yes, we should do this again. Once I got a few feet away someone grabbed my wrist and my blood froze. I turned around happily surprised to see Thomas. "Bloody hell Tommy." I gasped clutching my chest dramatically.

Tommy started to chuckle "Sorry Newt the thing is I was um.. serious about the tutoring if you really needed help." He was rubbing the back of his neck his face getting more and more red.

Aww he's nervous I realized. "Of course, Tommy! I take any help I can get."

This seemed to relax him a bit, "Can I have your number? You know so we can plan a time to meet up."

I tried to conceal my happiness, but I felt my face split into a grin. "Definitely!" I recited my number to him.

He smiled back at me. "Thanks Newt I'll text you tonight."

I drove home with a feeling of hope that I hadn't felt for a very long time.

 **A/N Reviews make me happy :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Sorry I was gone for so long! But I can promise this story is not abandoned. I wrote most of this chapter months ago but never got to finish it. I hope you guys enjoy! Please review** 😊

Newt got home he turned on the shower, stripped himself and shoved two fingers down his throat. Despite only doing it occasionally for a few weeks, Newt has become in expert in doing it as quietly and efficiently as possible. Knowing it's next to impossible to get rid of everything after about five minutes of gagging, Newt cleaned up the toilet and turned on the shower. He felt better now, less stressed and more relaxed. He let the water cascade down his body and washed his hair and body thoroughly. He ended up sitting against the cool tile with warm water crashing over him. He forced himself to not think about the mountain of homework and instead enjoy where he was. He managed to escape reality for only about ten minutes before he forced himself to get up. As he rose to his feet everything seems to blur together, groaning Newt leaned against the tile for a few seconds before everything came back into focus. Throwing a towel around his waist Newt stumbled to his room and dressed in a pair of boxers and a plain white shirt.

Looking around at his homework Newt decided to tackle his English homework first. Just as he pulled at the Great Gatsby he was distracted by his phone vibrating on his bed. He all but jumped towards and slid past the lock screen to see a new message from an unknown number.

From unknown: **Hey Newt it's Thomas**

Newt grinned ear to ear and forced himself to wait about a minute before changing the contact name and eagerly texting back.

To Thomas: _Hey Tommy, I really appreciate you trying to help me out_

Newt looked at it critically before pressing send. Less than a minute back he got a reply.

From Thomas: **Hey no problem, what are friends for…But don't tell Minho or he'll get jealous.**

To Thomas: _Lol, oy that's a reason to tell him._

From Thomas: **True lol, so when are you free to meet up? Trust me I'm an amazing tutor**

When Thomas sent the winking face Newt's face turned beet read and he had a huge grin on his face. He forced himself to not read into it as he replied.

To Thomas: _Anytime we don't have practice, and I can believe it_

Newt felt his heart pick up as he pressed sent, flirting with his crush is a dangerous game especially when he has no idea if he's gay. Newt figures it's safe to assume he's straight like most of the male species and he's just joking around like Minho does. Although Minho never jokes with him like this over text…his overthinking got interrupted by a buzzing on his bed. He groped around for his phone and opened the chat.

From Thomas: **Thanks for the confidence booster! How about tomorrow? I know it's short notice but with XC kicking off in a few weeks we should start soon.**

Newt snorted after reading his text.

To Thomas: _Lol_ , _your confidence doesn't need any bosting. But tomorrow would be great what time and where did you have in mind?_

From Thomas: **Ouch my ego is hurt…. How will I ever recover. I was thinking the little coffee place about a block away from the school, around three?**

Newt forced himself to calm down, it's just Thomas being a good friend.

To Thomas: _Sounds great! Do you mind if I bring my history homework?_

From Thomas: **Bring it! It'll be a great place to start**

To Thomas: _Thank you again Tommy! I appreciate this so much_

From Thomas: **No problem, I'm excited for tomorrow! Goodnight Newt, see you then**

Newt kept reading his last text repeatedly. He was thrilled Thomas said he was excited. Do you get excited to hang out with just friends? I guess so.

To Thomas: **So am I! Goodnight Tommy**

Despite it only being Friday Newt stayed up completing a majority of his homework, leaving only history and a psychology study guide he was planning to do closer to their test. Newt is very much a night owl and even though he finished his homework around one, he stayed up till three, surfing the web and watching YouTube videos. In all honesty what may have been keeping Newt awake was his anxiety about seeing Thomas. He was excited. So excited he felt as though he was going mess this up. He forced himself to think of Thomas as only a friend... because chances are that's all he'll ever be.

Newt woke up around noon the next day and stumbled into the kitchen, still groggy from sleep.

"Good afternoon." His mother said in an amused tone, before kissing him on the head.

"Good afternoon Mum." Newt replied pouring himself a bowl of cheerios.

"Newt... you're finally awake!" His little sister Ana exclaimed.

"Good afternoon to you too." He replied sarcastically.

"Can you take me to the park?" She asked, jumping around.

"No can do little one, I have plans."

She pouted in reply.

"I can take you tomorrow?" Newt offered, giving in to the puppy dog eyes.

"Yes please! Thanks Newt" She called before rushing upstairs.

"What are these plans?" His father gruffly asked from the living room.

"I'm studying with a friend." Newt answered swallowing another spoonful of cereal.

"A boy?" Newt's mum piped up.

"Yes, mum but we're just friends." Ever since Newt had come out to his family he mum has been extra interested in his dating life.

"I don't care what he is, if he can improve your grades." My dad gruffly commented. Newt and his dad had never been very close and while his dad wasn't homophobic he seemed even less interested in Newt's life ever since he came out, if that was even possible. While he mum was much more prying now.

"I'm trying my best; my only low grade is history." Newt tried to keep the irritation out of his voice, but he can't handle this right after he wakes up. His dad just hummed in response as Newt put his bowl in the sink and walked back up to his room. For the next hour Newt watched YouTube trying to distract himself from his study date that wasn't really a date. After much decision he decided on wearing a pair of light wash jeans and a grey hoodie. Thomas sees me all the time, Newt thought trying to escape from his nerves. At 2:45 he grabbed his bag and went downstairs, throwing on his vans Newt made his way to the coffee shop.

It was about a 15-minute walk from his house, which Newt took as a chance to clear his head. Thomas must have come early because Newt spotted him as soon as he walked through the door.

Thomas jumped up. "Hey Newt."

Newt took a few deep breaths, then walked smoothly over. "Hey Tommy."

"Should we order first?" Thomas smiled shyly.

"Sure."

The two walked over the line and both studied the menu.

"Hey, get whatever you want I'm paying." Thomas stated.

"No way, you're helping me, if anything I'll pay." Newt replied stubbornly.

"But I invited you!"

"You wouldn't be getting coffee if it wasn't for me Tommy!"

"What would you like?" A female worker asked, looking down at her nails seeming very bored.

"Can I have a medium chia tea latte."

"And a medium caramel coffee." Thomas butted in, ignoring the evil eye Newt was giving him.

The women at the counter looked back and forth between them.

"Umm… that's, together right?"

"Yes!" Thomas exclaimed before Newt could open his mouth.

"Fine but I'm paying" Newt grumbled.

"In your dreams" Thomas shot back.

"That'll be 9.58$, you guys are so cute together!" She exclaimed.

Newt just stared at her dumbfounded and Thomas took this chance to pull out his money.

"Were not a –

"Here" Thomas interrupted Newt with a flashy smile towards the waitress and dropped the money into her hands "and thank you!"

Thomas led a flabbergasted Newt to the other side of the table to pick up their drinks.

"Hey, what's wrong I bet we would be cute together."

Newt forced a laugh and decided to play along. "I would be the cute one."

"The British accent gives you an unfair advantage." Thomas groaned, causing Newt to chuckle.

Thomas picked up their drinks and led Newt to a table in the back.

"For you m'lady." Thomas said dramatically, handing Newt's coffee to him.

Newt rolled his eyes at his antics, fighting off a blush he answered, "thank you good sir."

As Newt sat down he reached into his bag and took out his history test. The next hour went by with Thomas reviewing all the questions Newt got wrong.

"Tommy I really appreciate this."

"No problem Newt what are friends for?" Thomas answered with a blinding grin.

Newt tried to conceal his disappointment at the labeling of "friends" and forced a smile. The smile quickly fell as he glanced at his phone. "Sorry Tommy, I really should be getting home, I'm drowning in homework."

"Hey, it's fine, just don't work yourself too hard ok?" He had on a mask of concern.

Newt rolled his eyes as he got up, "Trust me, I can take care of myself."

"I really hope so..." Thomas mumbled quietly as he watched Newt walk out the door.

 **A/N : OOhhh does Thomas know something is up? Plz review!**


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